Our fights are pretty much always about stupid, stupid things, but they always turn into World War 3. This time we got into an argument because he was venting about his job. Some homeowner was cursing at him, and he said the next day he wasn’t going to push his trash can back, even though it is part of his job requirements. I told him that was stupid because if he doesn’t do his job he could get fired.
He has such a bad temper and it worries me because I don’t want him to lose his temper and do something immature at work and lose his job, especially not if we are going to have a family someday. I cannot afford to take on all of the bills by myself. I think it freaks me out more because when I started living with my mom when I was younger, I would always have to worry if we would have electricity the next month, or if we would have food to eat. Especially when she started doing drugs. It was so stressful as a child to have to worry about those kinds of things, and to see your parent struggling living paycheck to paycheck. I never want my children to have to worry about things that an adult has to worry about.
I don’t know, one thing just led to another and then there was screaming and throwing things, and just complete ridiculousness. This fight was the worst one we’ve had. He called me names that made me cry…I actually told him to get out and I meant it (at that time). It is just crazy how one thing leads to another and then we get to that over something so dumb.
Hopefully we can work on it to make our fights never get to that again. If not, then I am afraid we are doomed. He really is an amazing man, and the best man I have ever been with and I can see us having a wonderful future together…there are just some things we need to get through first in order for that to happen. I only want to be married once, so I take it very seriously.
I don’t want to just put it all on him, either. I know I have a lot of things I need to work on, too. I think my past brings a lot of issues to my relationships and I don’t really know how to get past that. I will give it all I have, though. I was so afraid that we would be over, and if we ended over something so dumb I don’t even know. Agh, thank God we put things aside and talked about it all, and hopefully we are able to move past it and keep it in the past and never fight like that again. We are both so stubborn, and that does not help things.
I really love this man.
Anyway, today is the first day back in the gym since Sunday. We did walk on Monday, but that isn’t the same. I sure did feel the days off when I got back on the treadmill today. Yikes. I did hang in there and I was able to go 2 miles. That is the farthest I’ve gone since I’ve started going back to the gym, so I am pretty proud of that. I really hope that by Saturday, I have lost my goal for the week of 3.24 pounds, but we shall see.